My Maternity: Two-Point-Ohhhhhh!

I always toyed with the idea of having another baby, although at the end of each year when the annual scheduled conversation arose, it always played out the same way…

“I suppose we should talk about whether we want to have another baby”
“Oh yeah, we probably should”
“Talk about it again next year instead?”
“Yup”

And that was it. That’s kinda how my husband and I roll.

Our two girls always hinted at it, reminding us each year the time for “the conversation” was approaching and then hounding us to know if we had had the chat yet, and what the outcome was.

My youngest even drew this when she was three:

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It was never off the cards entirely, but for so many reasons it was never something that was on the cards either… and if it were to be, it would be something that was a decision and something we planned for.

So when we found out we were expecting, it was certainly a curve ball. But, while not planned, certainly not unwelcome.

I look back on my blog to September 2013 when I wrote a post (which you can view here) about my maternity and newborn photos of my first born, and how disappointed that 5 years on, I had nothing to show, and how much I wish I had what I give my clients now.

When we finally got over that initial shock that we were expecting again… I was excited at the prospect of being able to do so many photos!… I would be able to this time do it right! The ideas started flowing! Oh the possibilities!

For maternity… I wanted to do a timeline, a weekly progressive shot of my belly. I wanted to do some with my husband, some nudes, some to replicate again once the baby was born, some outside, some with my children, and all together as a family. I wanted the moody shadows of my usual style, I wanted some nice earthy outdoor ones, a silhouette up on the mountain at sunrise. I wanted to be able to take some more controversial ones, to even step out of my comfort zone. I wanted to embrace my (very) curvy body and show that we are all beautiful in our own skin, especially when pregnant! I wanted to do SO much!

Little did I know, pretty much none would come to life. I was just too sick (to read my story of surviving two HG pregnancies, click here). And it shattered me to come to the realisation that I would miss out on something that was so important to me. So important on a personal level, but professional as well. And of course, my belly was never a good shape, that wobbly bit from baby #1 never got firm, and I was terribly self aware!

With each week that passed, I would be saying “I really need to get my maternity photos done, we could have a baby by this time next week” and so many times I attempted to get up and showered and do my hair and make up… and I would end up crashing in tears at sheer exhaustion. In hindsight, I probably should have gone to have them done, but I was set on doing them myself, and the thought of being so ill at another photographers studio was a fear I didn’t chance.

So at 38 weeks, I pushed myself one day with the mindset that I try to convey to clients – that even one photo is better than none.

So all I wanted was to get one. One usable shot and I would be happy with that. Crushed I didn’t get all I had originally dreamed of, but one would be enough. And, after taking 3 or 4 frames, I couldn’t do anymore and decided that whatever I had would do and I gave up. I did end up having a second attempt later that day, after a long rest and an even longer cry about it all, they are of something else, and I did successfully get another 3 or 4 images (which I will share another day to come).

I ended up opting for a set up in my bedroom. Just me. Alone. This is how so many days of my pregnancy were – all spent here in bed, alone. Although the curtains were always closed and the bed unmade with me in it, looking like death and copious amounts of medication on the bedside and a second little table specifically for my bucket.

At the end of the day, as I explained in my blog post from 2013, I wanted something to be able to show my children in a few years time from now.

And, more to that, it is something that I truly believe – that we MUST EXIST in photos! No excuses!

In 5 years time, in 5 generations time, they won’t care if my belly wasn’t perfectly round, or my hair was dirty that day, or that my legs were too-many-days-since-the-last-shave-prickly… or any of those other excuses we concoct to avoid being in front of a camera.

So here is my maternity photo… and in actual fact, it’s a blinker shot too. But… it’s a photo of me, a photo of me pregnant, and that’s more that I thought was going to be possible. I’m disappointed, yes, I admit that I am, that I didn’t get all that I wanted. But, I have one, and that makes me so happy. Because one is better than none. And this one I will cherish.

{ as always }   x

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One thought on “My Maternity: Two-Point-Ohhhhhh!

  1. Pingback: How To Spell Awesome |

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